The “pathetic” anecdote is a great way to understand this second tip and how to reframe a situation.
“This tip sounds obvious but it isn’t. When my husband told me I was “pathetic”, I felt offended because my first reaction was emotional and I assumed his intention was negative. So you need to step back and think:
This person is someone I love and who loves me
Most probably, my partner does not mean to hurt me
I should check with my partner what he/she meant precisely
In most cases, you will realize that it was only a misunderstanding.”
https://myforeignhalf.com/en/how-to-survive-a-multilingual-relationship-6-tips-from-a-psychologist/